and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
