He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
