I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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