Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
