high people should be assigned attendants
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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