He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
