how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We're too hungover to prance.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
