I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He passed out mid-signature
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
