I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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