Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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