It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
