R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
