So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
