Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
