My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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