Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
