Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
be right there i have to get my cape
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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