WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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