I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
