Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
