YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
