he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
