my phone needs a breathalizer
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
