I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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