I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
