Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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