Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
