Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
