Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
