Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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