Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
