he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
