Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
