After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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