Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
