You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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