you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
