i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
