i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
