There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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