she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
