i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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