the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
