I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
