No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
