Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Define "chronic" masturbator.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
