I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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