You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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