i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
