he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
