I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
