im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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