I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
